Don't Cry Mercy
by effyrodriguez
Summary: Starting from season 1, Matthew and Thomas plan to be together but the rest of Downton except for Anna refuse to believe in their happiness. Slight OOC. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Thomas's Pov

Thomas someone left you these Anna says. As I take the flowers from her I can't help but smile. Who on earth would send Thomas flowers Daisy says. Looks like someone's got an admirer William replies. Well who's it from asks Mrs. Patmore. It's none of your business I reply. As I take them to my room I notice a card in between. I take the card and start to read the letter.

_Dear Thomas,_

_I can't stop thinking about you. We've been apart for too long and I must see you. Meet me in the barn at midnight. I love you_

_ Sincerely Matthew_

Just as I finish reading the letter Anna walks in and tells me his Lordship is expecting me in the library. Thank you Anna I'll be there in a minute. As she starts to leave I grab her arm gently and asks if she could do a favor for me. Does it involve whoever gave you those. Yes I'm afraid so. What is it then. He asks if he could see me. Oh Thomas that's great news. So I guess you expect me to cover for you. Well I was hoping... Don't be silly Thomas of course I will. Thank you so much I tell her and give her a kiss on the cheek. We both walk out together and go our separate ways. I walk into library and as I see the Lordship the smile on my face disappears. He does not look pleased. You wanted to see me Lordship. Indeed I've noticed something and I hope that you could clear up the matter and tell me that I'm just crazy for imagining this nonsense. What nonsense sir. That Matthew has feelings for you. My heart feels like it has stopped beating and I don't know what to say. Thomas please tell me this isn't true because if it is I hope you're ready for disappointment. Sir I... It is true isn't it. I just nod my head. Matthew will marry Mary Thomas there's no way I'm letting some petty footman ruin my daughter and the future ruler of Downton. You may leave now Thomas.

As I make my way to the barn I realize I should make the most of it as I may never be with him again. I open the door to see candles lit around the inside of the barn and a blanket laying on the floor where there is a fruit basket and rose petals all around. Matthew? I look around and can't seem to find him until I feel someone wrap their hands around to cover my eyes. I let myself relax into the body behind me. Guess who? Is that you Mr. Carson. Oh do you have to ruin the moment Thomas Matthew says. Yes since you're being so corny. Very well then. He removes his hands from my eyes and instead places them on my hips. I turn around to see those perfect blue eyes staring back at me. He starts to move in closer and I let myself be free. I close my eyes and I feel his lips against mine. I pull back right away and I regret it as Matthew looks hurt. I'm sorry love it's just... I start to cry in front of Matthew and I can't stop. My dear Thomas what's the matter. I can't even form any words and Matthew pulls me against him and holds on to me. I'm here babe everything's going to be alright he whispers. When I'm able to get a hold of myself Matthew grabs my hand leading me to the blanket. He never let's go of my hand even as we sit down and I let my head fall on his shoulder. You don't have to tell me what that was about but I'd like to know what's made you so upset. It's Lordship. What has he done. He hasn't done anything yet Matthew but he threatened me. What did he say. I shouldn't be with you. That you must marry. Don't listen to him he has no say in what goes on between us. But Matthew... He shushes me with a kiss and I can't help but let a moan escape. Someone's missed me he says. Instead of answering I tackle him to the floor and try to get all his clothes off at once. This proves to be difficult as I only manage to get his jacket off. He flips me over so he's on top and starts planting kisses down my neck. Even though I've missed being with him like this I knew I had to get back to the house. Matthew stop. He stops at once but doesn't look too happy. I have to get back. So soon. Couldn't you stay a few more minutes. No I have to get back before anyone discovers I'm gone. What if you don't have to go back. What do you mean. I'm in need of a butler and I wouldn't want anyone else. Think about it we could be together without having to hide. What about your mother. My mother's been busy at the hospital so we'll have the place mainly to ourselves. Yes. Yes what. Yes I'll be your butler. Matthew smiles at me and pulls me in for another kiss.

As I make my way back to the house it starts pouring but the rain can't even stop me from feeling happy. As I go to my room I notice Daisy still in the kitchen. Thomas what were you doing outside in the rain. None of your business. I make my way as fast as I can to my room without making too much noise and when I finally get the chance to lay down I let myself dream of Matthew and I and our new life together. You wanted to see me Thomas. Yes I'd like to give my weeks notice. What's this about. Matthew's offered me a job. Matthew Crawley? Yes Matthew Crawley. Very well then.

I'm going to miss you Thomas. And I will miss you Anna. I hope everything goes well between you and Matthew. I hope so too. Tell Matthew that if he ever hurts you he has to deal with me. Will do Anna.

Matthew is coming for dinner tonight. Well we better make the most of it Anna says. Maybe I could persuade him not to let you leave tomorrow. Very funny Anna but I don't think anything you say will change his mind. It's time ladies and gentlemen Mr. Carson says. I grab the white wine and head upstairs. As I'm making my way upstairs I get a slight dizzy spell and I have to hold on to railing for support. Are you alright Thomas? I look up to see William looking at me with a worried expression on his face. I'm fine but thanks for your concern. I continue making my way upstairs and when I'm finally at the dining room I see Matthew looking fine as ever. I enter the room and Matthew notices my arrival having the biggest smile on his face. I can't help but smile back but this moment comes to an end as Lordship interrupts us. Thomas is everything alright though he's knows why I was so happy. Everyone turns to look at me. I'm fine thank you my lordship. Everyone carries on with their dinner. As I start to make my round of serving the wine another wave of dizziness comes over and I almost trip over my own two feet. I approach Matthew and he seems to have notice my behavior. You sure you're alright Thomas. Yes I'm...Matthew's face seems to be absent all the sudden and all I could see is darkness. I feel the bottle slip from my hand and I start to fall to the floor but not before someone probably Matthew grabs me and I succumb to darkness.

Matthew's Pov

Mr. Crawley can you help me carry Thomas to his room Mr. Carson asks. Even though I'm in a state of shock I know I can't let my feelings for him show to Mary and her family. Of course Mr. Carson. As we are making our way to Thomas's room I can't help but ask Mr. Carson if Thomas was acting weird before the incident. He seemed perfectly fine before dinner was served and to be honest I have the slightest clue what has happened to him. We enter Thomas's room and I'm amazed at how small his room is compared to mine. Now I definitely know I'm making the right decision by bringing him with me. He could live a better life. I lay Thomas in his bed and I notice he looks so peaceful. That will be all Mr. Crawley. I forgot Mr. Carson was still in the room. I start to leave and as he goes in the opposite direction I go back into Thomas's room. I take his hand in mine and the other I use to touch his face. He's seems warmer than he should be so it could possibly be a fever. I let go of his hand to get a washcloth and bowl of water. As I place the cloth on his forehead he starts to stir. Matthew is that you. Yes Thomas I'm here. Why are you here my love someone might catch you. You don't know how much I love it when you call me that. Matthew this isn't the time and place. I don't care anymore Thomas. You are leaving with me tomorrow anyways. I know it's just that I'm not feeling too well and now I made a mess of everything. But it's ok everything is going to be fine. I believe you he says before he falls back to sleep. Goodnight my dear I say as I place a kiss on his forehead. I make my way out and I thought I made sure no one was there until I hear a lady's voice. You're good for him Mr. Crawley I hope he realizes that. You must be Anna. Yes I am. Thomas has told me a lot about you. I hope they're all good things. Of course. I'd make sure you get back though they're wondering where you have been. Thank you Anna I'll think of something.

Matthew may I have a word. Of course. I can't allow you to ruin your life. What's this about. You know exactly what this is about. I've talk to Thomas and he's admitted to your affair. You had no right. This is my house I have the right to know what goes on. You can't stop us. My dear boy you don't know what you're getting yourself into, you'll look like a fool. Is this what you really want for Downton to be a disgrace. You know that's not what I want. Well if you decide to be with Thomas, that's exactly what's to happen. I'll leave then. What are you that selfish and stupid. Yes indeed I am. I'm taking Thomas with me and there's nothing you can do about it. And what if Thomas refuses. He's already agreed to run away with me once I doubt he'll say no. That seemed to have kept his Lordship quiet. Though I hate to leave on bad terms I decide to leave anyways.

Thomas's Pov

I wake up to see Matthew looking at me. How did you get in here. Anna let me in. Of course she would. She also told me some bad news though. Oh and what's that. You're in no condition to travel. She's not a doctor Matthew I believe I have the final say in whether I can last the day on my feet. I try to get up to show him I'm fit to travel but I regret it as I start to lose my balance again and fall into Matthew's arms. You were saying. I guess you'll just have to carry me to your house. If only it were that easy Thomas. Well we have to leave today I already have my things packed. Thomas you're not listening to me. Sorry it's just that I'm so excited to start a new life. You're not going to miss Downton. Not really unless you include the memories we made here but as long as I'm with you I'll always have them. Matthew starts to blush and I can't help but laugh. Thomas I'm afraid we won't be living at my house. Why's that. His Lordship has spoken with me and says if I choose to be with you I can no longer be near Downton. You chose me over Downton. Yes Thomas I believe I did. Oh Matthew I don't know what to say. You don't have to say anything.. I stop him from talking by smashing my lips against his. He pushes me against the wall and I wrap my legs around his waist. I'm first to stop kissing him as I need some air. I need you Matthew I say in between gasps it's been too long. I know Thomas I'm not going anywhere.


	2. Chapter 2

Season 2

Mary's Pov

We can't let them go papa I proclaim. Why not, it is not our responsibility. But papa... Mary they are required to serve for their country. But papa do you not understand what is at risk? Apparently not. Well either Matthew or Thomas could die out there and if one of them doesn't make it I don't think I can bear to see the other hurt. This is just a risk we'll have to take Mary. Papa I know you still refuse to let them be together and at first I agreed but now I see how happy Matthew is and I can't bear to be the one held responsible for taking away his happiness.

Thomas's Pov

As I'm making last note of everything I hear a knock at the door. Just a minute I say and when I open the door Lady Mary is standing there. What can I do for you my Lady. She doesn't say anything but she pulls me in for a hug. Lady Mary I don't understand…I'll miss you Thomas she says. As I will miss you my Lady. Promise me you'll watch out for Matthew she says. I'll do whatever it takes to keep him from harms way I reply. I know you will Thomas.

3 months later

A letter for you Lady Mary. Mr. Carson hands me the letter and I notice it's Matthew's writing. My hands are shaking so much the letter slips from my hands and falls to the floor. Mary are you alright Sybil asks and I just shake my head. Sybil bends down to pick up the letter and I let out a scream as she places it on the table. Everyone is staring at me and only Sybil has the nerve to grab the letter and read it.

_Dear Mary,_

_Thomas has been badly injured. They're bringing him to a hospital near Downton. I'll also be there and I hope you could stop by._

_Sincerely Matthew_

The room remains silent after Sybil finishes reading the letter. For once in my life I wish I could be proven wrong. I don't think Matthew is going to make it.

Matthew's Pov

As they bring him in on a stretcher I have to look away as the burns on his body are too much. I feel useless. What would my father think of me, acting like a coward. As l start to wander off I don't realize someone's talking to me until Lady Sybil places her hand on my shoulder. He's asking for you Matthew she says. Thank you Lady Sybil. Oh and Matthew I turn around to see Sybil looking a little frightened. Be careful with him he's a bit unstable. I'll try my best I tell her. As I approach Thomas it pains me to see the burns on one side of his face but I try my best to show him that I'm not broken though I know I'm slipping on the inside. You wanted to see me I say and I hear my voice crack a little. He refuses to show me his face as we talk. I've let you down Matthew. Don't you dare say that Thomas. It's true, they say I can't go with you to Germany I broke my promise. Nonsense, you saved my life Thomas. You will never be a failure to me, you're perfect. Perfect Thomas spats, look at me I'm hideous. I try to touch his face but he pulls back from me. Listen to me Thomas you'll always be beautiful to me even with your blemishes you know that. Please leave Matthew. Love I'm not giving up on you. We've been through through so much and I'm not letting your insecurities ruin what we have. But you deserve better Thomas says. I don't want anyone else. He starts yelling and kicking about and I try to calm him down but instead it makes things worse. He starts punching me in the face and I let him as I know he's just trying to let his anger out. Lady Sybil pulls him away and they sedate him. He falls into her arms and I fall down on my knees and start crying. I let myself be carrried away by the doctors. As I'm being brought outside I see that Mary has just arrived. She walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. Oh Matthew I'm so sorry she says. It's alright Mary I'm fine I say as I pull away. You're far from fine Matthew look at yourself you're a complete mess. It pains me to see her here and now I regret letting her come. I can't even make eye contact with her and I start wandering around again. I know what's it like to feel like you're so helpless as someone you love is hurt Mary admits. He doesn't want me here. Just give him some time Matthew he'll come around. And if he doesn't I reply. Let's not worry about that now we should be trying to help him get back to health. I don't think it's going to be as easy as you think Mary. But your letter...I feel they're keeping him here because of psychological problems not physical. What do you mean Matthew. I didn't want to worry you and your family but he's not the same Thomas you knew. The war has changed him drastically. Before he was sent here he was having nightmares. I'd have to quiet him down so we wouldn't get caught but he was almost sent to a psych ward. I'll take care of him then Mary says. Mary you're hardly qualified for... Just let me convince papa to let him come back to Downton Matthew. Sybil and I could could take care of him. You'd do that for me. I'm doing it for Thomas not you. You may not realize it but you're not the only one who cares for him she says.

Thomas's Pov

Here let me help you Mary says. No it's perfectly fine my Lady. I try to bring the cup to my lips but my hand is shaking so much that by the time I managed to get a grip all of juice has spilled out already. I start swearing under my breath and as much as I want to cry I don't want to make a fool of myself in Lady Mary's presence. It's alright Thomas Lady Mary says and she takes the cup from me and refils it. She walks over to me and makes me tilt my head back so she could help get the juice down. I nod my head to signal that I'm finished and she places the cup back on the tray. I hear Matthew is coming for another visit Mary says. I stay silent but I know Mary won't give up so easily. He said he misses you in his last letter. I still say nothing. Oh Thomas you must let him see you. Not like this I say as I point to myself wrapped in layers of blankets. Of course like that Thomas you can barely stand on your feet. How do you expect to get dressed by yourself and go to dining room to sit with him. I doubt papa would even let you have dinner with us. But Mary... I'll arrange a time for him to see you she says. There's a knock at the door and for once I'm glad that someone has come to see me. Come in Lady Mary says. William walks in with a tray of cookies. I'm sorry my Lady should I come back later William says. Nonsense William I'm greatful that Thomas has a visitor but don't you go spoiling him now with cookies she says. I won't my Lady he replies. Very well I'll be outside Mary says. How's everyone doing I ask. Daisy and I are engaged to be married. That's great news William. Thank you Thomas. How much longer will you be here he asks. I'm not so sure, why do you ask. Daisy and I were hoping if you could come to wedding. I'll try my best but with Lady Mary speaking for my well being I doubt I'll have the chance. I heard that she says and William and I burst out laughing. Who would've thought Lady Mary be a nurse and a good one at that William says. Yes it does seem a bit weird especially since she keeps bringing up Matthew into our discussions. I do hope you give Matthew another chance Thomas. Oh not you too I say. Thomas before the war all you would talk about is Matthew and now you can't even bear to hear his name. War changes you my friend. I believe you Thomas but I also believe that it allows for second chances. Very well I'll let him have his say. Mary suddenly bursts in the room and William looks stunned as am I. What at least someone knocked some sense into him she says.

Matthew's Pov

Oh Matthew I'm so glad to see you Mary says. I'm glad to see you too. I've arranged for you to meet Thomas. How is he I ask. He hasn't changed much since your last visit I'm afraid. It's fine. Is that your answer to everything she says. Why do you look so nervous I was only teasing Matthew. It's better if I wait to tell you. Alright I'll try my best to wait but you now I'm not good at waiting. Have you been treating Thomas well I say trying to change the topic. Yes though maybe you should ask him if you want an honest answer she replies. Mary! What I was only teasing again. How's your father? I presume quite well though we haven't been on speaking terms since Thomas has arrived she says. Are you sure I should be here? Of course, I'm sure papa will not make a scene at dinner. I hope you're right I reply. I make my way up to Thomas's room all the while my chest feels it's about to explode. I walk in and I notice Thomas is not there as I'm about to leave I feel something grab my leg. I look to see Thomas in a fetal position. Thomas are you alright. Even you should know what a dumb question that is. I ignore his remark and help him off the floor. What happened? I'm sick of this Matthew. Sick of what? Of being so fragile and helpless Thomas says as he tries to push himself away from me. I can't even walk and I never thought I would miss the feeling of walking. Thomas finally gives up and lets himself sink into my arms. Just give your body some time to rest Thomas, you're overworking yourself. Overworking myself! Mary has been doing everything for me. She dresses me, feeds me, bathes me...he starts crying and I don't know what to do. I just want to live again Matthew that's all. I want things to go back to how they used to be when we used to sneak around the house in the night and make love to one another without any distractions or worries. I promise you love it will happen again after the war is over. How can you be so sure Matthew. The world is changing faster than you realize and I don't think I'm ready for change.


End file.
